So, I am officially 14 weeks pregnant.
Basically all of my pregnancy symptoms have gone now, and while I thought I had a very easy first trimester (and really, it was very easy), I’m realising as I start to feel better just how generally “meh” I felt the last few months. I do seem to get tired easier than before, and I can feel when I bend certain ways, or lift something heavy that there are twinges in my muscles – the relaxin hormone doing it’s job already. I’m also breathing quite heavily all the time. Partly pregnancy and partly my asthma which has flared up the last two weeks. Unfortunately I don’t think the heavily breathing is going away any time soon, and we’re going into Winter, so most likely the asthma will flare up a few more times before the season is over!
I am not a fan of these next few weeks, when everything feels normal, and you don’t feel pregnant at all, and there are no little baby movement and kicks to reassure you. It’s a tumultuous time. I’m finding it particularly difficult after the missed miscarriage I had last pregnancy. Realising that the baby could pass and there be no symptoms with me, and my body just continue with the pregnancy makes it even more nerve wrecking.
I suppose it’s made worse by the pregnancy induced anxiety I’m experiencing. It’s not extreme, but similar to what my regular anxiety is like when it has flared up. Things like having to get out of bed in the middle of the night after something’s woken me up and going in to check the children are breathing, or worrying any time Luke drives anywhere. Even worrying about the kids when they’re at school. These are all very unfounded fears, and things I that don’t usually bother me, so it’s tiring to have them again. In writing this down I’m realising that this heightened anxiety is probably what’s lead to my higher stress levels (that and a badly behaved 3 year old!). I’m trying to actively “nourish” my mind (my word for the year!) with meditation and calming things like cups of chai.
I still have a bit of disbelief about the pregnancy still. I mean, telling people has helped, as has seeing the ultrasound (seriously FELL IN LOVE with the baby at that ultrasound!), but still, I felt so out of baby-land that this feels like a crazy dream!
Last week (13+2) I met with Mary – my midwife. I am so excited she is available to be with me again for this baby. She was with me with Ahava, and was one of the midwives I had during my anti-natal appointments with Eli. I love her philosophy and approach to midwifery, pregnancy and birth, and she is a dear friend. Very accepting and kind, and strong as well!
This week I also had my 12 week ultrasound (13w0d), which went well. I will have to go back to my GP to get the results, but I imagine she’d call me if there was anything abnormal. The technician walked me though it and said that everything looked great. They’re specifically checking the fluid behind the neck, and the nose bone cavity for signs of Downs Syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities. I’m a very low risk anyway, as I’m only 31 (I realised just this week that I have been telling every medical person I spoke to up until this point that I’m 30, but I am actually 31! Oops!), and have no biological family history of any of these things, nor does Luke as far as either of us know.
I’ve started dreaming a bit about the birth, and have started with my pregnancy meditation from the hypnobirthing book. I still have it ripped to my computer for Eli’s pregnancy! I don’t except I’ll read the book again (or maybe I will if I can find it in the library), but feel like the meditations to listen to daily (or thereabouts) are sufficient seeing as I’ve birthed in this style twice before.
I hope to have a birth similar to Ahava’s – in ease, efficiency, and timing. I find imagining where I want to give birth, and different positions, time frames and situations, helps with mentally sorting through what I do and don’t want to happen, and how to deal with various scenarios. Basically it helps me feel prepared. I don’t imagine it would be helpful for everyone, but this kind of daydreaming really helps me a lot.
At 12w2d I had my booking in appointment with the hospital. I elected for shared care. The hospital only really caters for shared care with the GP, but I will be doing it with my midwife – Mary. I will still need to see my GP semi-regularly (every 6-8 weeks) for thyroid checks and medication changes if necessary. I did this system with Ahava, and it worked well. I don’t need to see the hospital now until 36 weeks or something like that, which is great. I don’t fancy going back any more regularly than that.