Dear Chaya // 1 month

Dear Chaya,

You are one month old! I’m not exaggerating when I say that you are one of the best things to happen in our family. Your three older siblings absolutely adore you and love you and dote on you. Your daddy and I are totally in love, and thank Hashem every day that you are in our family.

CC, at one month old you have eyes the are clearly a blue ring on the outside and brown on the inside. You are a skinny girl, but we’re trying to fatten you up! You love to stay in the little froggy pose you were in when inside me, and you are easily comforted with a dummy and being held close. You like it when I sway side to side with you wrapped up tightly or holding your hands, and you also like it when we bounce on the fit ball with you.

I have to mention that your first four weeks have been marked with lots of appointments. You see, after your first initial weight loss in week 1, you had failed to gain more than 5 grams by 2 ½ weeks. Now that you’re 4 weeks you’ve gained 70 grams total, and I’m sorry to say, it’s not enough! Everyone is both worried and puzzled by you! We’ve done a blood test (not fun!), stool sample, eliminated dairy, soy, gluten and eggs from my diet and started topping you up with expressed breast milk – 150ml a day on top of your normal breastfeeds. Your poos have been green and mucusy, sometimes frothy, and causing you a bit of pain. This makes the Paed think that you have a food intolerance and so we’re starting with the most likely – dairy.

While you’re not quite the enthusiastic breastfeeder your siblings are, you still enjoy it, and have been getting better at having longer and more meaningful feeds. I’ve taken some herbs to boost my supply, and this coupled with the milk expressing makes us (by us, I mean Daddy, me, your grandparents, my midwives, the hospital, and the private paediatrician!!) think that this isn’t a milk supply problem (you actually gain quite a bit of weight during a feed, but use it all up by the next day! Such a puzzle!). Anyway, all this to say that we are not sure what’s up! In a few weeks I will have been off dairy for a month, and the Paed thinks you’ll be better by then. I really hope it’s true! In the mean time this week I have an insane amount of poop and wee to collect from you to send off for testing!

Chaya, I think about the day you were born. I remember talking to you when you were still inside me. I remember that sweet feeling you gave me, reassuring me that you loved me and were ready to enter the world. You name means “life”, and I am sure, without a doubt, that you are absolutely FULL of life. I know you are a healer, that as you grow up you will get great insight from Hashem on how to heal people with medicines and the like. I know you are part of my healing journey.

You are so beautiful, and sweet and perfect. You make me want to have a hundred more babies! When I hold you I often think “Ooh, baby. I want a baby!” and then I remember that YOU are my baby, and you are all mine, and I do a big happy dance inside and say thanks to Hashem again that you are mine. I am so in love. You are so deserving of all the love and attention and kindness. You are a special baby.

Every day one or all of your siblings ask to hold you. Lior even carried you from one room to another! Ahava is desperate to, but we won’t let her yet. Eli is happy just to sit and hold you. He really adores you. They all do. I love it when I ask one of the boys to sit and hold you or lie next to you and mind you while I do a quick job, and then listen to the sweet nothings they say to you. Just showering you with their sweet words and kind gazes. Ahava loves to give you your bottles when we top you up with expressed breast milk.

Chaya Sefira, you are a precious soul. I look forward to seeing you grow and us continuing to be the great team we were in pregnancy and childbirth, and now through these rough waves. We will always be a great team.

May you live to 120 sweet girl. Hashem has great plans for you, I’m sure of it. xo