I hope you’ll allow me to be a bit tongue in cheek and borrow the Jewish term – minhag (plural – minhagim) and apply to my own little family, in a very non-religious way. A minhag is a Jewish custom that groups of people follow, but it is is not Halacha (law). One of the most well knows ones is during Pesach. Ashkenazi Jews have a minhag to not eat kitniyot (beans, rice, etc.), while other groups of Jews do not. The actual Halacha of Pesach is to not each Chametz (Leavened Wheat, Spelt, Barley, Oats or Rye), and then there are “extensions” on this by various groups. A minhag usually forms over time in a particular area because of something cultural or environmental that’s happening around. Another example of a minhag is in the clothes various Jewish groups wear, or how a woman covers her hair – she often follows the minhag of her mother. Anyway, I am loosely borrowing this word to talk about some of the little “traditions” I have for my kids.
When I was pregnant with my first baby, I knew we planned to have quite a few children (4 was the plan), and it was important to me that there be an element of fairness. I knew that over the span of all these children there would be plenty of things I couldn’t control – technology would change, my skills would change, our situation might change, but I wanted to set up a few things that I felt would be doable both the first time and the last time.
One of my favourite traditions is the monthly photo. Once my child has been named I buy either a wooden name plate, or a letter to match their name, and paint it white. I use this to take a photo every month for the first 12 months. They even all have the same background – a quilt my Nana made Saadia and I as a wedding gift. Along with this photo (I take two – one of them lying with the name/letter so I can see how long they get, and the other of their face from above so I can clearly see this beautiful little face at every age!), I also write them a letter detailing how in love with them I am, and their various milestones and things of interest that happened over the previous month.
These two “minhagim” (the photos and the letters) are the only ones I am super strict on. Other things like homemade birthday cakes, baby scrapbooks and gold foil number balloons on their birthdays are nice, and I try to do them every year, but I wouldn’t feel like I’d “failed” if I didn’t do them.
Let me go on a slight tangent to say how under-rated it is to think through this kind of stuff when pregnant with your first baby. I don’t really know anyone else who did this (please tell me I’m not alone!). Maybe I have some childhood hang up about fairness that led to me doing this, but I think it’s important! And so simple to do! Just spend a bit of time thinking about what your family might potentially look like in 10 years time, and what simple things you can gift your kids (and lets be honest, yourself!). Family photos every year is another one I stick to fairly rigidly…
Do you have a family tradition you keep up with for all your kids?