I’ve been thinking about how I am scared to make Aliyah. Don’t get me wrong, I’m also excited, hopeful, joyful, confused and realistic about it. But this morning I’m pondering the scared aspect.
Today a new instagram page popped up in my feed of a young family making Aliyah, and I quickly followed it and watched through her videos (they’re a week into living in Israel, so it was very helpful content!). It made it all feel so much better until I realised that her mum lives there, and that flights back to America to visit the rest of their family are literally half the price of the flights to get back to Australia. No one in our family is Jewish. No relative of ours in our immediate family will ever be making Aliyah. If we had Jewish family, then you could tell yourself, “Well, we’re the first and maybe we’ll make it easier for other family members to come after us”, but as converts, that’s just not an option. I can’t look to the biological family I came to. Every year I have more appreciation for the fact that I am Talia Bat Sarah Imenu, and what that truely means.
A big difference for Australians making Aliyah and Americans or even more so Europeans making Aliyah is the ease of coming back periodically to see family you miss. Not just in money, but in time flying and time differences also.
If Saadia’s brother decides to get married later in the year, we won’t be able to come back to go to the wedding. I suppose if G-d forbid, someone dies, maybe we do come back then? Maybe. But just the one person whose immediate family member it is, not everyone. But even then, more to help and support other family members, I don’t think it’s necessary to go back for a funeral.
When we move to Israel we will be totally alone. I know how everyone raves about how supportive Israelis are to new Olim, and I believe it because even when we were just visiting everyone was amazing and helpful and encouraging to us! I know that people will help us when we need it, but I’m just scared of being so far removed from grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. My big kids all went for mamash many years without a single cousin, and now that they finally have some and they’re old enough to play we will just leave them!
At the same time as feeling like this is a huge scary thing to do, I also hold the truth that this is something I desperately WANT to do and think I NEED to do for my own children and their future. For my children, Ben or Bat Saadia v Talia. THEY have Jewish parents. THEY have Jewish siblings. This is for them.
And so we will make Aliyah. Just needed to make a record of the true feelings I’m feeling here!